A few things I’ve learned about relationships.
Relationships in life are the most precious thing in life. I think relationships make life more worth while. For those who say “I hate people”, I disagree. Our lives are enriched by those around us should we choose to surround ourselves by those who enrich us and align with our value system.
What makes a relationship special? It’s when people feel like they can share things with one another in a safe space. What is a safe space? It’s an environment where you can be completely raw, vulnerable, loved, and accepted. Somewhere you feel like you don’t have to meet anyones expectations, feel pressure, or any such emotion. A safe space is where you feel that you are loved for who you are, and who you are not!
It takes a lot to get in touch with your emotions and be vulnerable. Emotions are literally what drive our life, if we can control our emotions we control a lot of our life circumstances. When someone is in touch with their emotions, has the courage to be vulnerable, and the other party creates a safe space it’s a healthy relationship where a special bond is shared. When the other party does not create a safe space, and is completely out of touch with their emotions-we call it tough love. We all know someone like this who cannot express their feelings well, and show tough love. This is because for whatever reason, they are out of touch with their own emotions. We all have a balance of masculine and feminine energy, they have less feminine more masculine. Less of empathy and feeling, more of doing.
It’s hard to be in a relationship when someone only shows tough love. This could be any kind of relationship, siblings, parent-kid, spouses, friends etc. Because you feel like you cannot openly be yourself, and you have to be what the other person wants you to be to earn their love (at a subconscious level.) When they don’t create that safe space to be vulnerable,the other person emotionally shuts down. They don’t share their feelings, they slowly stop communicating at all because they don’t feel loved, the feel threatened and pressured. They become emotionally closed off because they feel that the other person is also emotionally closed off and doesn’t love or care for them. They feel that person may not understand their needs. We all have emotional needs and important, in a relationship, for us to be able to understand each other underlying needs. It’s usually based around love & acceptance.
I believe it’s important when dealing with people to address the overarching emotion. Many times someone maybe do xyz, and especially when expressing how they felt hurt by your actions they are being extremely vulnerable by sharing this. By us being emotionally connected and aware, we are addressing the over arching emotion, which is usually just a desire to feel and know that that relationship is special in our lives. When we don’t see this or make this effort, usually the other person emotionally shuts down.
As a result of the emotional shut down, the relationship weakens with less of a bond, less to no feelings shared and no communication. The person feels like they have to perform just to earn love and respect and they feel that it’s conditional. Communication happens when the person feels like they can share their feelings & be accepted by the other person.
Unfortunately this happens more often than not. It’s important for us to be self aware of who we are as well as how emotionally open we are. I know I went through a time when I realized I wasn’t emotionally open. I became a very “tough love” type of person saying ew to ‘touchy feely stuff. ‘ Everything had to be tough , being strong meant being tough and emotionally shut down. I realized I was ‘t connecting with people or communicating the way I used to. I was heavily living in my masculine energy! I had to read some books on feminine energy and understand being emotional doesn’t mean being weak. I can be in touch with my emotions, be vulnerable, and be strong all the same time. You are strong when you are in touch & in control of your emotions, because emotions are the thermometer and we have to be the thermostat. You first have to accept yourself to even be comfortable being vulnerable, love yourself, and accept that deep down. Awaken your feminine energy which we all have in us and raise our EQ-which I believe is a strong component in team building & organizational management!
So next time we wonder a relationship may be going south, or why there is no communication. We should ask ourselves and consider that, are we creating an emotionally safe space for this relationship to truly nurture and grow? Or are we breaking off relationships in our lives in attempts to be “tough” and show tough love? Are we really being emotionally there for the other person? What are they trying to tell us through their actions?
“The Indian Girl”
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